where she now sits

i have slowly infiltrated tt's house.

it started with makeup and hair products,
.
.
.
grew into a few changes of clothes,
.
.
.
then jewelry, kitchen essentials, and my entire wardrobe.
.
.
.
my books
my movies
.
.
.
entire truckloads
of stuff.
stuff to use.
stuff to keep.
stuff to store.

somewhere in the middle,
she came too.
but...
i still felt i had two homes.
one was mine.
and one was simply where I stayed.

i've spent most of the past seven months
in what i can only describe as an awkward position.
feeling i should earn my keep,
but not feeling like i should touch his stuff.
wanting to organize my things,
but not wanting to move his.
being extra careful with his things,
and feeling extremely guilty when i'm not.

i've made an effort to try and settle only into
the spaces that were available.
trying my best to not disturb what was already there.

be inconspicuous.

this summer, on my way home from des moines,
i hit that stretch of road where i couldn't wait to get 'home'.
i was tired and couldn't wait to be in my own bed with tt.

to my surprise, i realized that home,
the picture i had in my mind,
was tt's.

it was a nice realization...
it gave me a sense of relief...

but i still have a desire to clean
when i go to my condo.
the feeling it's ok
to toss my stuff around when i get there.
and the sense that i can do
whatever i want.

she sits outside the door.
welcomes me home everyday.
but part of my heart,
has yet to move in.